Bigger Than My Body

Let me start by saying I believe in miracles. I believe miracles are not a thing of the past, and I believe God still performs miraculous works to this day. Now that this opinion has been stated, I may continue.

Ever since Brandon died I've really been struggling with God over something. If He can perform miracles and if He does perform miracles, how does he pick who gets a miracle? Why couldn't he have performed a miracle and made those bullets miss Brandon? Or why couldn't Jeff have a sudden change of heart? Why didn't God intervene? Couldn't he have achieved the same end results without Brandon dying?

I know the answers to all of these questions. I really do. So why am I still struggling with these questions? I think it's because I don't want to turn around and face the music. I know the answer, but I don't want to have to deal with the answer.

So what is the answer that I know but don't want to face? The answer is that there is something bigger than myself. God is almighty and knows exactly what he is doing. The answer is that I don't need to be asking these questions, I need to rest in the thought that God has supreme power and will work things out the way he wants them to work out.

There is nothing wrong with struggling with God. It is a necessary process that everyone goes through. Out of all my friends and mentors, the ones who struggled with God at least once are the closest to Him. Jacob wrestled with God, and on the other side he came out closer to God than ever before. However, we're never going to win when we struggle with God. There comes a time where we must admit defeat and take the lesson he's given us. I don't think I'm completely done wrestling with God over this, it will probably be a lifetime struggle for me. For now at least, I can take this lesson and start putting it into my life.

God is bigger than me. There, I've admitted it.There is something bigger than my body, and there's no way I'm gonna progress if I don't get out from under this shadow and get back to a place where I can grow once more.


Jeff Bedinger is being sentenced today. Please pray not only that proper justice will be served, but pray also that proper grace will be served. Please pray that God would remind everyone who has been affected by Brandon's death that God is willing to forgive Jeff as soon as Jeff asks for forgiveness. Pray that everyone affected will remember that they should forgive Jeff as well.